10 Ways to Make Your Kids Feel Loved
1- Ask Specific Questions
One of the easiest ways to make sure our kids know that we are invested in their lives is to ask specific questions.
Instead of, “How was school today?” try, “Who did you sit by at lunch today?” or “What did you do at recess?” (focus on the fun things at school and then ask about academics!)
Ask follow up questions about friends like, “You said Michael was being left out yesterday, did he have a better day today?” Those questions can lead to great conversations about how your child can help their friends.
If you want some help coming up with questions or making this a family activity, we have a pack of 100 family conversation cards in our shop that are perfect! Each card has a specific question on it, ranging from silly would you rathers, personal questions, to faith questions. You can purchase an instant download or printed and shipped to your home.
2- One-On-One Dates
Everyone loves one-on-one time. Dates are super fun with your kids! And remember, dates can be really simple. Ice cream after dinner, hot cocoa on a cold day, an early morning donut run with the earliest riser, even a super fast drive-thru ice cream cone (if you are that brave) can be exciting!
I know that it’s harder to take kids out right now, but remember, you can do at home dates too! Have solo reading time with one kid, watch a special movie together, go on a walk or picnic. You can get creative and do a lot of fun things at home, too!
The Holmstroms do a monthly date with each kid on the date of their birthday (3rd, 7th, 12th, and 19th of each month). With four kids, its an easy way to make sure everyone gets a date!
3- Repeat Words
This has been such a game-changer for me! Sarah actually taught me this when I was visiting her! When her kids are telling a really long story, she repeats the last word or couple words of the sentence back to them. This keeps you engaged (we both have talkers!) and reminds them that you are listening! For example:
“……insert very long football story….and then I dove for the ball….”
“You dove for the ball?”
4- Valentine notes
Every year during the month of February, I cut out 14 paper hearts for each member of my family. I write something I love about them on each heart and tape them to their doors every day leading up to Valentine’s Day.
Because I’m pretty lazy, I write out all 14 in one sitting so that I don’t have to remember and do it every night. My kids absolutely love them and they stay on their doors for most of the year.
5-Have a special “thing” between just you two (handshake, saying, dance move, etc.)
In our house, one of the ways we say I love you is by counting. I will randomly look at one (or all) of my kids and say, “Hey! 1……2…..3…..” and we all blurt out, “I love you!” as fast as we can. It’s become a little game that everyone loves. My kids start it with me sometimes and we learned how to do it in sign language too so that we can say it quietly across the room. I hope that someday, when they are grown, I’ll be able to look at them and just count to three and they will know what it means.
I also make handshakes with each of my kids and I have a special dance move that I do with my middle son. It’s fun and special and just between us.
6- 10 Minutes with Mommy
I learned this from Heather MacFadyen on my favorite podcast! Here’s how it works. Pick a time in the day that works for you and say, “Ok guys, we are going to do 10 minutes with mommy! You can pick whatever you want us to do and I’ll set the timer for 10 minutes. Try your best to not interrupt each other’s times!” (I take away from their 10 minutes when they interrupt!)
I do this a few times a week and let each child guide the time. I don’t try to suggest ideas or control our time together. Today, my daughter wanted to paint my nails and my son wanted to play battleship. My other daughter wanted me to hide candy around the house for her to eat. It sounds super short, but even just 10 minutes of eye contact and connection can make kids feel super loved and known. It also makes me feel like a more present mom. When I don’t do this, it’s easy for me to go to bed feeling like I didn’t really spend time with any of them. My amazing friend, Calli, also does this with her kids and she said it has completely changed their behavior. On the days where she spends 10 minutes with each kid, there is less fighting and acting out for attention.
Brinley loves to paint my nails for 10 Minutes with Mommy Time. Luckily, I wasn’t going anywhere this week!
7- Journals on Pillows
My oldest two kids can write so I bought them each a journal. We write notes back and forth to each other and leave them on each other’s pillows! I have noticed that this makes them both feel very loved because they guide what we write about. My daughter is very imaginative and creative, so we just write on a plain notebook back and forth. I write her questions and she writes and draws the answers. My son likes structure, so we use this mommy and son journal that I purchased on Amazon. It is adorable and full of special prompts that I never would have thought of on my own! We are just starting this new one, written by our friend Christie Thomas. This mother/son prayer journal is so special and keeps you praying for your son and growing closer to each other as you both grow closer to God! I am especially excited about this tradition as they grow older and may become more comfortable sharing their thoughts with me through writing.
8- Bedtime Traditions
Bedtime is such a great time to connect with your kids and make them feel loved, no matter how busy your day may have been. In our family, we do one story, one song, and one prayer with our kids. I do that with our two boys or two girls and then switch with my husband. Sometimes, I want to rush bedtime because I am exhausted or anxious to get to my alone time, but I’ve had the sweetest talks with my littles at bedtime and I know that these kinds of nights won’t last forever. If you are struggling to savor bedtime, check out the post we wrote on how to love your kids at bedtime. We have a printable there for you to put up in your kids’ room too!
9- Say, “I Get To…”
Have you heard the song, “I Get To Be the One” by JJ Heller. If not, go listen to it right now! This song has truly impacted my motherhood. Here are a few of the lyrics:
I get to be the one to hold your hand
I get to be the one
Through birthdays and broken bones
I’ll be there to watch you grow
I get to be the one
Sometimes, I wake up on the wrong side of the bed and act like I had one too many kids or my kids are a nuisance. When I stop to remember that I get to be the one to be their mom, it changes things! When I think that way and talk that way, they pick up on it and feel so loved!
Practice it today! When we start to say, “I get to change your diaper” or “I get to take you to soccer practice” it starts to change the way we think and fill us with more love for these ones that we have been blessed with and charged to love!
10 - Ask God and Ask Your Kids
ASK GOD
A few years ago, I was struggling big time with parenting. I was so overwhelmed and felt like I was disconnected from my kids. It felt like we were surviving, rather than thriving. I begged God to speak to me about each one of my kids with tears running down my face and a blank journal opened up in front of me. After a few minutes of asking God to speak and listening, a word popped into my head for each kid. It was exactly what I needed to reconnect with each kid and love them the way they needed to be loved. It wasn’t just for that day or that week or that season. Those words are true for them today too.
Jeremiah 33:3 says:
‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’
Ask God to speak to you about your kids and reveal things to you about them that you are missing. He speaks through His word and through other people and through His Spirit. He knows your kids and loves them so much and wants to help you as you parent them. He will tell you things that are unsearchable!
Ask your Kids
Ask your kids this question, “What is something I do that makes you feel really loved?” You will be so surprised to hear your kids share answers you weren’t expecting. Once you ask them, you can make sure to do those things. We all have different ways of being loved. One great resource to help you figure this out is the 5 love languages for kids book and free quiz online. You can take this quiz with kids ages 5-12.