“This Was A Bad Idea!” What to Do When Homeschooling is HARD.

“I absolutely cannot do this! This was a bad idea.”

 I texted this to my husband on our very FIRST day of homeschool this year.

 I am a struggling perfectionist and an idealist and God is constantly showing me how I need to grow in this area. So all that to say, I had this perfect (and unrealistic) dream of how our first day would go.

We would take adorable pictures...

(Those did turn out pretty cute, but it all went downhill from there!)

We would have a special morning meeting and Bible time together with our new Bible basket I put together.

Then, we’d head into our garage classroom and drink chocolate milk out of our new fun dollar store cups while I read our first Read Aloud book of the year.

We always drink chocolate milk (and coffee for me) when we start a new book.  Sounds like a special and dreamy morning, right?

 Well, I had forgotten that my husband had to leave for work early and I was disappointed he couldn’t pray with us to start the day or bring me a teacher appreciation coffee! Then, I ended up forgetting that I was supposed to do something for work the night before, so I tried to finish it really quickly and we delayed the school day. I began the day stressed.

Then, my youngest peed on the floor right as school started. He’s fully potty trained. He just needed some attention I guess! My big three interrupted and fought during the whole read aloud. I angrily kept reading even though no one was listening to me. What was the point? I don’t know! And.. you better believe A LOT of chocolate milk spilled.  

 And I completely lost it. I yelled at everyone. I even said something I really regret. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this.” I was angry, annoyed, overwhelmed, and incredibly fearful.

The worst part was my thoughts. I started wondering if they’d be better off at school with a teacher that didn’t lose her cool. I had felt so called to this ministry again and so excited and geared up for homeschooling over the summer, but now I doubted that assurance I had once felt.  I was flooded with disappointment, shame, and just disorder and chaos all around me.

 I sent them to rest time and just sunk down in the kitchen table in despair. I looked up at the books, markers on the floor, dirty dishes, and the fly buzzing all around me and I didn’t even pray. I just sat there and berated myself.

That day we had a giant family conversation about what went wrong. I apologized for how the day went and together, we decided to do a bloop bloop.

 In our family, when we’ve started the day off on the wrong foot, someone suggests we do a bloop bloop. I honestly don’t remember where that name came from or who made it up. But basically, we make these rewinding bloop bloop noises and pretend we have a fresh new day. I guess we don’t really have to pretend because Jesus says his mercies are new every morning. I think it’s safe to say they are new every minute too. He gives us the power to apologize, confess our sins, and start afresh!

 We quit school for the day and reconnected through play and getting outside.

 The next day, we all pretended it was the first day of school and the kids just thought it was hilarious to pretend the previous Monday didn’t exist.

 The day wasn’t perfect, but it was better.

 We brainstormed what our hopes, dreams, and goals are for this homeschool year. We made a list of rules for ourselves to make homeschool more peaceful and more fun.

 Here’s what we came up with:

The kids came up

with

the rules and I

think they are

perfect!

Everyone signed it,

even Levi. It looks like

he made a

self-portrait!

HOMESCHOOL DREAMS

Here is my Vision Board for our year. I have seen moms on instagram or Pinterest make vision boards that are WAY cuter! I just had to put my perfectionist hat aside and get these ideas down on paper. I posted it in our garage so I can remember what matters to me!

Brinley wanted to make her own Homeschool Dreams list too.

I am looking forward to “pagama day!” She is also all about surprises, and wants me to plan a lot of out of the box surprises this year. That is my cue to try and make things fun!

I also just love that she wants to be a blessing.

Charlie’s Vision Board was so fun for me to read because it helps me know what he wants to learn about this year. He busted out the white out for his mistakes…he is just like his mama!

I am only on week 3 of my second year of homeschooling, and I have had other really bad, hard days besides that first day. But, I still know this is where God has called me this year. I don’t know His plans for the future. I don’t know if he’ll call us to do this forever, but I know right now that this time with my kids is an amazing gift He’s given me and he wants to help me do it well.  Here’s what I’ve already learned and what I hear over and over again from my amazing seasoned homeschool mom friends.

1.     Take lots of breaks! Give yourself permission to stop when something is not working.

I used to be a stickler that we would do school from 9:00 am until 12 and we would get everything done. My rationale was that then we’d have time to play, explore, and just do kid stuff. Now, I’m recalibrating and realizing that it doesn’t work for our family. When I try to hurry them or force learning, they aren’t learning anyway! When someone is crying or whining and I continue to teach or command them to work, it’s counterproductive. It’s impossible for a stressed out kid to take in any learning in that state.

This is the time to stop, bring them close, ask them to go outside and run around, start a tickle fight, turn on a song and dance, etc. I love this new mindset shift. There is no set time we have to finish. We could even pick up a lesson as we’re snuggling in bed or on a Saturday morning if need be!

2.     Hug, hug, hug!

One of the best parts of homeschool is getting to hug your kids all day long! You get to be there for the hard moments and the breakthrough awesome moments. Hug them when you want to pull away. (I learned this from Ann Voskamp’s parenting manifesto. Have you read it? It’s life-changing! I am focusing on number 7 and number 8 during Homeschool!)

3.     Ask for help!

One thing I’ve learned is that the homeschool community is so eager and ready to help. Every time I’ve messaged or called a fellow homeschooling mama, I get the best wisdom and encouragement. Text fellow homeschooling parents on the hard days and ask for prayer. Ask as many seasoned homeschool parents as you can for advice and wisdom. Join facebook groups and listen to podcasts. The number one thing I keep learning is how important it is to take the pressure off that it has to look like a normal school and that all standards have to be perfectly met. God made you their parent for a reason and the Holy Spirit will help highlight what to teach and how to teach it. He will bring you helpers too because it’s impossible to do it all on your own!

Check out Sarah Mackenzie’s website and podcast. The one that influenced me the most is called 10 Homeschooling Mistakes I’ve Made (So You Can Avoid Them). I have revisited this page again and again and it has brought me so much comfort and helps me take the pressure off!

My friend, Christa, is a seasoned homeschooling mom of 5 kids and she shares so many great tips on her instagram and on her podcast.

I love learning from moms who have gone before me!

Also, ask for help as often as you can. Whether it’s help from a spouse, a grandparent (I am so lucky to have my mom-in-law come help with Levi), or a friend. Reach out and ask! I used to really want to seem capable on my own, but I know that I need help at least once or twice a week to make this happen!

4.     Don’t Do it Alone!

Don’t try and do this alone. I tried that last year and it failed! This year, we joined a homeschooling group that we meet with at least once a week. My best friends are homeschooling and we are collaborating about ideas and even taking our kids on a field trip for a few days next week. I have a few facebook groups that really help me as well! My mom in law is coming each week to help watch my little guy to get our week started off right. I realize not everyone has this luxury, but see who you can ask to be a helper or guest teacher. You don’t have to do it by yourself!

I am learning that the more we can join with other families, the better our experiences are. This summer, we were up at a camp where my husband was speaking. Two of the staff members we met had been homeschooled their whole lives and now were graduating from college and about to start awesome careers. I pulled up a seat and said, “Tell me everything!” Did you like being homeschooled? Are you glad you were?”

The girl shared how much she adored homeschooling. She said it made her family so close, even to this day. She said all of her siblings have great jobs and they all just adore each other and are a tight knit family. I asked her what their secret was. She said her parents were very social and they shared many experiences with other families. They played sports, had clubs they were involved in, joined in on park days, etc. She said she never felt that homeschool was super weird or different because they did it in community with others. She learned early on to relate with adults, with younger kids, and with people who were very different from her.

The young man had an entirely different experience. He said he actually didn’t enjoy homeschooling as a kid because they didn’t ever join in with other families. He said he mostly worked alone in his room and didn’t have very many friend. Friendships were hard for him to make.

I was so appreciative of both of them sharing these different experiences with me. I can be kind of introverted at times and wanting to protect our family time, but this reminded me how important it is to prioritize community especially as we embark on this homeschooling endeavor that I am still so new at!

I am so excited for my kids to have all sorts of different friends from church, sports, our neighborhood, but I am especially thankful for other homeschool friends this year so that they know that what we are doing is special and fun and other families are doing it too!

If you aren’t already, is there anyone you can meet up with at least once a week? Maybe you can have Wednesday adventure days. I love the adventure ideas for homeschooling parents from Greta’s Eskridge’s amazing book, Adventuring Together. Or maybe you can meet up with other families for field trips. There are so many homeschool co-ops too. These are fun for kids, but invaluable for parents making connections and learning from each other.

5.     Remind yourself that teaching your kids things like: how much you love them, how to treat each other, how to clean up after themselves, etc, is just as important as teaching them to multiply or understand adverbs.

This is the most important thing I’ve learned thus far. Early last school year, I was growing very impatient with my two littles. It felt like they were constantly interrupting what I had planned to teach my older two. One morning, I was reading the Bible and journaling and I felt like I heard the undeniable voice of the Holy Spirit. I opened my journal and wrote down what I felt He was imprinting on my heart.

“Teaching Levi not to hit and putting him on timeout, pulling Lila in close to kiss her boo boo, training Brinley to apologize, teaching Charlie to be kind to himself and say a breath prayer, “This hard…but you are with me… These things are even more important than the academic lessons you will teach them.”

Wow! This was a huge and exciting wake up call for me. These things I was viewing as interruptions were actually the main thing. The kids are watching me. They are noticing when I discipline the other kids or let things slide, when I react harshly and when I respond in love. My job is to train them up in the way they should go, not just make sure they can name the planets in order.

These things matter.

I am so thankful that God put that on my heart and stopped me in my tracks. This is something that doesn’t come naturally to me and I actually have to remind myself of this every morning, but it has really changed my perspective and the way we do homeschool now!

6. Remind yourself that God is with you and has called you to be your kid’s mom or dad:

Whether your are homeschooling or your kids are at school, remind yourself that God picked you to be the parent of your kids and he will give you what you need to parent them well. My new friend, Michelle, posted this on her first day of homeschooling with her kids this year and it has inspired me and renewed my strength to homeschool. I hope this encourages you too!

“This job has been given to me to do. Therefore, it is a gift. Therefore, it is a privilege. Therefore, it is an offering I may make to God. Therefore, it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him. Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God’s way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness.”

-Elizabeth Elliott

So, those are my top 6 tips! I would LOVE to hear from you! What do you do when homeschool is hard?