Confessions of a Pastor’s Wife

This month we are talking and praying about loving the church! We want our kids to love the church, to love their pastors and teachers, to serve often, to tithe regularly, and to care deeply for the people of God. I (Sarah) am especially praying because I don't want my kids to ever resent the church, being pastor's kids and all!

Steph sent me some interview questions about what it's like to be a Pastor's wife. Here is our conversation below.

Steph: What is your favorite part about being a pastors wife?

Sarah: I am one of those weird people who actually used to dream about being a pastor’s wife. I thought it would be so fun to always have a house full of people, to help plan events, and to pray for people, and to get to journey through life with so many others.

I had no idea what it would really be like. There are challenges I never anticipated, but there are also deep blessings I could have never imagined!

I love getting to have a front row seat to what God is up to in our church. I love not being the pastor, but getting to pray for the pastoral team and getting insight on what exciting things are coming up.

What I love best of all, however, is being the one that God chose to walk through this with my husband. I have seen very high highs and very low lows. Being a pastor means carrying other's burdens, leading when it’s hard or unpopular, constantly being called upon and needed. I didn’t know what a high calling it was or how hard it was before being married to Eric. I love that I get to be the one he comes home to, processes with, and brainstorms with. I love praying for him and getting to be a part of the ministry.

Over the years we have gotten to counsel new couples together, we’ve had two young teenagers come to stay with us when they were in a difficult season, and we’ve gotten to pray for miracles and healing. Though it’s been hard at times, it is so fulfilling to be a part of what God is doing and to see answered prayers, growth, and healing for people.

Steph: Do you have any funny stories about your kids being pastor’s kids?

Sarah: Oh my goodness, yes! They say typical pastor’s kids things all the time. Once, when Brinley was only three years old, she was so mad at me because I wouldn’t let her do something dangerous. (She was trying to flip off the couch on her neck.) She looked at me with the angriest face you could imagine and said, “You are a PHARAOH MOMMY!” She thought of the meanest character she knew from the Bible and tried it out on me!

On several occasions when out in public, one of our kids have shouted, “Dad, are you so excited for when God crushes Satan’s head?”

Once, my husband took our two oldest kids on top of the roof at church. Now, they tell everyone they can, “Pastor's kids get to do really cool stuff. We got to stand on the roof just because we’re pastor’s kids!”

Steph: What are some challenges that you face?

Sarah: The most difficult thing for me personally is figuring out how to balance ministry and family. My kids are still young and our family time is so important. I’ve learned that in ministry, no one sets boundaries for you. It’s difficult to set boundaries because the work of the church is so important. I remember once after I had Levi, my fourth, I was desperate to have Eric home. I was angry at him for leaving during his “week off.” But he was answering an emergency phone call and actually met a student and intervened at a critical life threatening moment.

Pastors are, in a way, on call 24 hours a day. Eric has gotten so good about setting ministry boundaries and he definitely puts our family first. He always says that we aren’t just his first ministry, but we are his favorite ministry. We’ve both struggled with this over the years, however, and have had to learn that we are better leaders when we are prioritizing our family.

Though we do get a lot of special family time, Eric is almost always reachable. God has called him into a very special role. When someone is going through crisis or tragedy, he is there. This has impacted our family many times. In the beginning I really struggled with this. Sometimes even now, it takes me a minute and I complain to God and he reminds me that this is our calling! He reminds me to say, "This is hard, but God is with us." Almost everything that is really really good, is also really really hard! That’s what makes it so rewarding. I’ve learned how to give Eric good feedback about when he’s gone too much and he has responded so positively to this.

Currently, we are in a busy season. There are a few nights each week where Eric's not home before bedtime and it makes for really long days. I miss him walking through the door and the kids all jumping on top of him and that feeling of sweet relief that the hard part of the day is done. I miss his presence at the dinner table and the sweet way he talks to the kids at night. But, I'm also really excited about the groups he's leading and the things that God has put him in charge of. In a weird way, I am kind of a part of these things too because I am the one holding down the fort.

Steph: What is one thing that you wish people knew about ministry families?

Sarah: I think it’s so easy to criticize your pastor. Most pastors hear way more criticism than they do praise. Most people, when they hear a good sermon or are grateful for a good leadership decision, don’t take the time to thank their pastor or leader. It’s more often when they are personally hurt by something or disagree with something that they decide to reach out. So remember to keep your pastor encouraged. It means so much!

Also, I believe that most pastors do not view what they do as a job. It’s a lifestyle. Their hearts are so invested in it. Assume the best and give your pastor the benefit of the doubt!

Lastly, and on a more personal note, we love our church so much! No one sees the way Eric loves the congregation like I do. He prays for them, is deeply burdened for them, is overjoyed by them. God made him this way and he pours his heart and soul into the local church. I love this so much about him. I don’t think everyone knows that and I wish they all did!

Steph: What is one way that someone has encouraged you as a ministry family?

Sarah: A few months after we first arrived at the church we are in now, my daughter was born and was suddenly diagnosed with a heart disease. I was blown away by the way they embraced us with love. We received countless text messages, phone calls, prayers, home cooked meals, gift cards, and even frozen yogurt deliveries to the hospital! I felt the hands and feet of Jesus in such a real way! I couldn't believe that we were just immediately loved. People we barely knew were grieving with us and joining together to pray for us.

Steph: How can people support their pastors and their families?

Sarah: Our church is absolutely amazing about thinking of us for meals when we’ve had our kids or when one of us has been sick. We’ve had people drop off hand me downs to us! We feel so much love from our church. Recently, a man from our church left Eric a voicemail just to encourage him and to say, “Go, love your family today!” It meant so much to him and to us!

I believe the biggest way that you can support your pastors and their families is to pray for them and let them know you are praying! They need your prayer and your encouragement and your grace. Pray for their kids too!