5:1 Ratio-Why it’s Important For Other Adults to Pour Into Your Kids

I grew up in a neighborhood that was full of families and we were always outside playing with other kids. I always thought that it was a happy little coincidence that many of the kids would end up at one house for lunch…it wasn’t until I was older and had kids of my own that I realized that our moms had, more or less, planned those little lunches. Over the years, I developed close relationships with all my neighbors and their parents and I remain close to many of them to this day.

I also grew up close to a lot of my family and it was common for my aunts to babysit us. Then for us to babysit my cousins. Then for my cousins to babysit my kids. Now I am asked to officiate wedding ceremonies for those same cousins. It’s a lot of adult family members pouring into the next generation of kids and families.

I always knew that I was lucky to have so many great adults in my life, but I didn’t fully appreciate the impact that they had on me until I was an adult in seminary.

The 5:1 Ratio

One of the things that we were focused on in my youth, family, and culture classes at Fuller Seminary was the 5:1 ratio. The Fulller Youth Insitute discusses this in depth on their website and in their resources, but the main idea is that kids greatly benefit from having five adults other than their parents invested in their lives. Five adults that know their story, understand their hearts, act as cheerleaders, and can be confidants. Kids who have that are more likely to feel a sense of belonging and adhere to the positive values parents want to instill. Turns out the research suggests, kids that have adults investing in them are more likely to keep their faith in late-adolescence and early adulthood.

Imagine five adults whom you know and love saying to your child:

“How was your game?”

“How did your test go?”

“You seem upset, is there something you want to talk about?”

“Just wanted to say hi and you’re awesome!”

We agree that these adult relationships are so important. We were designed for community. We are not supposed to do life alone as parents or as kids. Other adults who serve as a person of safety and comfort for your kids are vital!

I hope and pray that my kids have multiple adults that they can go to when they have questions about God, relationships, peer pressure, school, sex, or any other life decision big or small! Even if they just want to talk about how annoying I am.

So what does that mean? How do you make sure your kids are surrounded by other adults? Here are a few tips:

Ask! When I was a youth pastor, a mom of one of my students asked me to mentor her young daughter as something that their girl scout troop was doing. I happily accepted! Each week we met after school and did something together: we walked to Starbucks, went to a pottery painting store, and got pedicures. We really got to know each other and even after our time was up, I continued to value our relationship and loved when we got to spend time together. Don’t be afraid to ask trusted adults to invest in your kids, they will most likely be honored that you asked them!

Start or join a small group If you aren’t a part of a small group at your church, consider joining one! It’s helpful if you join a group of other young families so you share in this important life stage, but there is definitely a benefit to being with a group that has a variety of ages as well. These people will naturally become invested in your life and your kids lives as you meet together and study God’s word. If you are already in a small group, consider studying a parenting book together and discussing how you can be more intentional building relationships with the kids in the group. Sometimes you just need an action plan to get going!

Here are some book ideas that we have studied either on our own or with a small group and recommen. Disclosure: We are affiliates for Amazon.com. We link products that we love and recommend, and purchasing through them provides us with a small commission that we put toward this ministry:

Look to your friends We had our son, Calvin, pretty soon after moving to Minnesota. We had a handful of friends that we were growing closer to and we knew that we wanted them to be a big part of our kids’ lives. So we asked them to be! We told our friends Kelly and Mike that we were pregnant by asking them to be our child’s godparents. We intentionally chose friends instead of our siblings (who we are very close to) as a way of saying, “We want you to be part of our child’s future and our family.” A few years later, we all had babies at the same time and…you guessed it….we’re all godparents.

You probably have some friends who you know you want invested in your kids, so make sure you tell them that!

Pray about it If you know that you need some people to invest in your kids but don’t know where to look, pray about it! Ask God to bring someone into your life. God is faithful and He cares about your kids more than you do! Seek His wisdom and ask for His help and He will give it to you!